Thursday, October 30, 2014

'Twas the Night Before Fall Reporting

‘Twas the night before Fall Reporting, and all through the firm,
Everyone in unclaimed property was starting to squirm.
Wire transfer instructions were given to disbursements with care,
In the hope that remittance confirmations soon would be there.
In state capitals, Treasurers smiled at the incoming proffers,
Knowing that millions would soon be in the states’ coffers.
Bob was in payables, and me with the CFO,
Was it all out?  Both of us wanted to know.
When down from the Controller there arose such a wailing,
I assumed there must be a late response to a due diligence mailing.
Away to accounting we ran down the hall,
Where Bob and I nearly tripped over the accumulated sprawl.
UP-1s, NAUPA codes, and Holder Reporting Guides,
Covered every flat surface with big stacks besides.
When, what led my stomach to churn and contort,
But hundreds of names that were left off the report.
When I asked how this many names could’ve been missed,
I was told they were still working off last quarter’s list.
Quickly, Bob and I each stifled a cry,
Certainly an exemption or two must here apply.
Airline miles? Lottery winnings? Stale B2B credits?
Perhaps just small balances with offsetting debits?
Alas, no, we would be late, and it might be gory,
With penalties and interest (both statutory).
There just wasn’t enough time to report all the names
Relationship codes, amounts less “lawful claims.”
We needed an answer, and the clock was still ticking,
Through each statute and reg, we just kept on clicking.
Then I noticed on the ledger I continued to assess,
All of the amounts listed were $50 or less.
My mood picked right up, and I started to sing:
We’ll just add it all up and report the whole thing!
Aggregate reporting -- that was the way!
We’d still get this report out by the end of the day!
We quickly revised, and added, and listed,
Everyone in tax helped, even legal assisted.
When it was ready, we unleashed the whole thing,
Breathing a sigh of relief (at least 'til next spring).
And I said to Bob, as the remittance flew out of sight,
Happy fall reporting to all, and to all a good night!

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